girlwiththeglass

dream

2011-07-10T03:01:00.002-04:00

decision time i close my eyes/ i saw my mother/ i was helping her put on a beautiful wig/ i hugged her but hoped/ she wasnt too close to feel my scars/ of couse she was closing her eyes too/ of couse she already knows/ loves me anyway/ a lioness listen/ your mother she loves you/ the most all in life/ she is the yellow birds/ she went longer with the wig/ she throws it back like a mane/ she is strong she learned:/ to be for love/ correct your senses & order your life/
from morning/ i wake up with feelings/ how can do go without them/ it's necessary
or else your a slug/slow & sorry/ sensitive in silence/ it takes many words and much courage to make up a mind

huge beauty danger mountain road affair

2011-07-06T23:55:00.005-04:00

it's not trust
there are good reasons to lie
like protection for one thing
a big smile like i don't wanna be here
there are some who understand
what people are led to do
on a full moon
caught up in a holy night
maybe it was years since he'd touched grass
and darkness covered him
like he always wanted

the mountains took him between her peaks
because she saw how good he was
he reached for that soft light and after that,
the only way was up
but this time rising together

he praises her valleys perpetually
they drive they go like gone
they are a role of ribbon unraveling
into towns unknown into a sea of sky

new strangers' joy ride
make tomorrow everyday
it's a secret safety we allow
one that let's him finally
breathe justified

if only if wasn't after lies
we listened to our hearts beat

wanting to go back (sometimes) but

2011-07-06T21:14:00.007-04:00

REMEMBERING HEAT she wishes cutting was the answer
even if it isn't
cutting the feeling
feeling the cut off inside
--magic is what it is
what she wishes
it was
but isn't
despair doesn't help anymore
anymore than any kiss
but sometimes licking is better
licking salty cuts and
the salty slits of crusty eyes
sucking on red cheeks like cough drops

the source of creation
was once a rage
ending the spirit
before making a sound
burning from the inside out

SHE'S HOT in the mouth
with a dry throat to choke on
but ready to carry a flame
and dance for dragons
singing a fire
forgive silent songs
grant power prayer
nothing is wrong with you little beast
if you're happier painted red

for answers, listen to the voices

2010-12-09T00:55:00.004-05:00

dream recording again, time travel, and putting work on more than my hands, my brain...at my mercy, begin testing...

Mugwort..
The Novadreamer..
Soma...
Shroomery...
Meditations...

10 minutes a day to record/meditate
what will i discover? answers i already know? answers in the flesh?
the flesh of thought? a letter? a word?

exercise and pass out
a code name, a sign, a totem...
my totem? soon soon

i will

2010-11-12T19:59:00.002-05:00

overcome this awkwardness. i will write like a dancer moves--when no one's watching.

UPDATES:

my cat is the strangest creature. black, half monkey, half lemur, he climbs the walls. is all i have to say, news about my new cat, Tsar? well.. Since I adopted him, this house is less creepy. funny kitty.

END

brainstorm drive
drive poem, tuesday afternoon, my class will bring their drive poems and we'll find out that we're driving home, or to school, or nowhere at all. im just driving to be without a place, to disappear. i drove like that once, i remember an entire day i hid in my car, and slept, traveling from library to parking lots to gas stations and rest stops, but i never left town. for some nomad i never go anywhere. someone told me that the place you are has a lot to offer. but isnt it the dream? the dream to leave and move and start over? to cross the mirror into another reality, where i am someone else, and there are other people, and i make a choice to change what happens this time. sometimes i think ive left my selves behind. in europe, in newyork, in peru, in kentucky and tennessee. this is my favorite place. the first place i havent wanted to leave. do i mean georgia? or do i mean here.. this page. the page is the best place to travel.

i may be quiet, but "i save my words for the page"
i may be making decisions for the first time
pride to be to be happy and a girl, a me

ahhh

goodbye,

the glass gril
salinger's lost glass child
the girl gggggggggggg
GGGGGGGGGGG

back again

2010-11-08T23:26:00.002-05:00

hello there. it's been awhile. but i've been out living, writing hasn't felt necessary. i needed action, so i spoke with my tongue and not my pen. my cup's pretty full right now:) Now.. NOW has been my cure. But I dont want to forget my words, my passions. so, i'll try to get on here more frequently.

-girlwiththeglass<3

i want to hear more from me

2010-08-23T16:29:00.003-04:00

more of what i want to hear
and express
so GO:

if i traveled again... would i seek experience or escape? would i be going somewhere or learning to talk like the flowers? Poetry camp for a year in a sense. but im now rooted here, to my basement home, my cat, my job, the roads and georgia skies. the years are long. good good good

the first day of school, my stomach always hurts, but i wake up without struggle
my intercepted challenge : be positive, stop fear
convince yourself into happiness
TODAY IS THE GREATEST. TODAY IS THE GREATEST.

but the devil girl won't be burried, the bleeding heart/vagina, the hell week menstration rage and chemical mistrust--
if we all serve a same consumer purpose, we all face the same dilemmas, and go through life in society, what is originality? what is the individual? is it a choice to act, to create? the problem is i enjoy crying too much. the comfort of darkness is a blanket under which i imgaine and never taste

British Literature @12 noon

THE POWER OF ART

the silence speaks express this paradox, change your life

BRAVE NEW WORLD

in which dreams become creation

TODAY IS THE GREAT DAY THAT I HAVE EVER REALLY KNOWN

i cant fall apart now

2010-08-19T17:16:00.005-04:00

dont explode dont explode, am i being stubborn? am i am, just work just dont stop and do it for yourself make it happen, dont wait, remember to smile and enjoy your life

.com services

2010-08-16T13:55:00.003-04:00

hard to think with a phone against my cheek
difficult to write since i discovered mr franz wright read my post
no one will answer my silent calls
so what's the problem?
reading could help
all the information won't inspire satisfaction
i need my own power power power

2010-07-14T13:58:00.003-04:00

what happened to my brain? all this convserving capital and hoarding my loot. now my instruments are packed and the speakers unplugged. i've talked so much lately i can hardy hear myself think. this room is nearly empty, but good riddance to the cell. i was beginning to give up on creative writing. letters just swirl in my brain anyway, what's the use if they can't ripple outside my skin, if it's true that we're all really locked inside and incapable of affection. certainty is death, i thought, but maybe I'm a Buddhist.

i always ask the same question this time of year. living has its seasons.

live to love

2010-06-28T23:15:00.004-04:00

drama junkies, sugar pop princess
sinkhole foundations

glitter won't save you
but it might if you wake up soon

don't purge nutrition
purge this material world

beauty is not mask
the mask is fear

forever hold your peace
or live to love sweetie

my rose garden has purpose
your purple and gold glitter nails

all im saying is roadtrip ladies
maybe get a tattoo
turn off the telivision
walk on some roofs

<3 lo

the sunflowers

2010-06-04T20:18:00.002-04:00

about them, i talk about them all the time. they're living things too. my mother taught me to pity the branches. and then she scolded me for touching this boy's ear. i didnt know better. what's to know. how to act. pretend. that's silly. so i have this fascination, that's all. my music is slow. any movement is dance, the melody is so important. i float down, i stare into your petals. tender explorations i think, an interest in beauty, that's all. i study words and fondle flowers. the place behind your skin, the centers of the world
red and yellow and black today, this month
i am i am more than happy
i am the string that connects the fragments
our knots, the big knots, the history of the social being
this is the skin of my life, an extention of my self, i was born to be olive colored and milky smooth, to scar, stain, and use
we mold together, the wind pushes us forward but i still look back
touches could save any soul

sweet virginia

2010-06-02T14:39:00.002-04:00

damn straight

love, passion, tales, and dinner

2010-05-31T19:32:00.003-04:00

books books are the answer. i dont know what to do, but i think reading will help.
not so sure. new aspiration: glass blowing. next task: toast bread.

options, erase them. im trying to act like a woman in love.

earthlings

2010-05-31T19:07:00.004-04:00

Time is starting to convince my body of something. Maybe minutes were invented to put us in a motion. It's all going somewhere, in a direction. Each day is a stitch. My life is a quilt and every one's quilt becomes a patch that relationships weave together.

i have lilies in my room from a funeral. three months old. i'm having difficulty keeping them alive. the pollen sprinkled and the petals turned yellow. the leaves curled at the ends. droop. lilies in my room. a stain on the floor from too much watering.

could i trade my life to be a muse? if i could be brave, i could start with these words

formspring.me

2010-01-11T18:40:00.001-05:00

Who was your first crush?

the boy next door with the blond bowl cut and video game addiction. <3

Ask me anything

formspring.me

2010-01-11T11:55:00.001-05:00

If you could get the credit for writing any song in history, what would it be and why?

"I Put a Spell on You" by Screamin' Jay Hawkins
although i couldnt really take credit for anything that wasnt mine and not feel horrible

Ask me anything

formspring.me

2010-01-11T11:47:00.001-05:00

If your house was on fire and you could only grab three things, what would they be?

my diary, my computer, my guitar

Ask me anything

2010-01-09T04:45:00.000-05:00

Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion	\|\|\|\|	16%
Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Orderliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Accommodation	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Intellectual	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Interdependence	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	80%
Mystical	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	40%
Materialism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	40%
Narcissism	\|\|	10%
Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	80%
Work ethic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	60%
Conflictseeking	\|\|\|\|	20%
Need to dominate	\|\|	10%
Romantic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Avoidant	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Anti-authority	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%

Wealth	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	60%
Dependency	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Change averse	\|\|	10%
Cautiousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	80%
Individuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Sexuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Peter pancomplex	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	40%
Histrionic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	40%
Vanity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Artistic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Hedonism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	80%
Physicalfitness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Religious	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Paranoia	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	40%
Hypersensitivity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Indie	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality test by similarminds.com

formspring.me

2009-12-21T12:48:00.001-05:00

What are you most excited about right now?

My darling roommate is coming home today!

Ask me anything

formspring.me

2009-12-21T12:46:00.001-05:00

What are you most excited about right now?

My darling roommate is coming home today!

Ask me anything

formspring.me

2009-12-21T12:45:00.001-05:00

If you could go on vacation for the next month with an unlimited budget, where would you go?

New York, New York

Ask me anything

formspring.me

2009-12-21T12:44:00.001-05:00

hi, how are you?

hi:) I have a broken heart, but I've got food to eat and a bed to sleep in so I try not to whine.

Ask me anything

the answer

2009-12-15T06:55:00.001-05:00

just you and just me
no categories

tell me your dreams

2009-12-13T05:53:00.004-05:00

to my fearless stone:

do you sleep at all?

you never talk about your dreams anymore. but i guess i couldnt tell you what happened to me in there either. we used to trade them like scary stories. we shared everything. then i realized the road slipping under my feet one day and everything kept moving further away. remembering started to hurt more than before, and all the time too, (especially when moving around? you know, that kind?) it never stopped. at night, my dreams were just these long affairs that felt like a punch in the guts at five in the afternoon the next day. i stay in bed just aching, rest my head, shut my eyes, and that damn alarm goes off like shrills from the beasts of satan, and they taunt me in their demonic noise of a language: "give up your pensive nature! kiss the ground, good morning, my sweet!" sleep is one cruel tease, i tell you. but friend, please, please, please no longer suppress those nightly humiliations. i'm here at the end of the white string of our connection. just pull. give me a ring; i still want to know your dreams. let me try. at least, man. you know i don't even really think you're a real stone. you've got tenderness in there and i dont care if im being selfish, i know it will be good for you. one night before i fell into that other world, i believed in god for you. for two minutes i had so much faith my prayer came true.

xx

your princess

where are you from? my side

2009-12-12T06:16:00.004-05:00

for the melancholy thinkers at the north pole
and for the lucky lovers of the south

kentucky, new york, georgia
stop doing this to me. detach, withdraw,
no one could ever find anything in that mess.
that's why i cleaned today
it gives me pride.
and the colors of the laundry are always so inspiring

longest day today. i'm telling you. i rock the shit out of dialogue. look at me go. little miss mark twaine.

sorry for the late introduction. i just drove home--there is so much road to cover--with the after-party traffic. folks drive on the right side, front left seat is the driver's. no sir, stop looking at that junk
rot rot when the peach james. someone will come by, you fantasy kid. how long have they known? when did they find out? and now.

no control
and so no meaning
check out of patchwork quilt, Philip Carey. check. it. out.

greetings fom ginnyland

2009-12-06T03:50:00.005-05:00

and i said in my head at work today: "man, i'm so sick of doing floor and touch dirty dishes. let me do register! i'm a fucking internet nerd, get me fucking typing."

something about recording, or maybe the physical sensation i get that i associate with writing, is very calming for me. fleshing my ideas by putting them in print.

after that thought i said, heck, i'm going to use that guest check book paper that we use to take orders on and write down the stuff i'd rather be doing than being here. and i was being honest and excited as shit man. first thing i wrote was 'find ticket prices for new york.' i dont give a fuck anymore and i love it. here's the rest of my list.

-bake hash brownies
-edit & print letter to mystery penpal Beatrice
-take my lookbook picture
-paper #4 revision idea: good music/friends can come from anywhere; hah both cultural

i love talking. i should really start using more run-on sentences man. i'll be like the mark tawain of southern twentyfirstcentury young adult literature. except i would NEVER write young adult literature. those book brainwash for real. people write book for kids because they want to help them. who said i needed any help, i want to read a book like anybody else to be entertained and not singled out and marketed because you pity me and my innocence. and i dont appreciate your encoded advise for me and my issues. who the fuck do you think you are? dont preach your personal morals to me and tell me the meaning of life. it doesnt matter what you say, i still have to find out myself. man those run-ons. i love it. one day i'll list and rank all the grammatical rules i deem unnecessary and stupid in matters of self expression. it'll be awesome.

until then,

gi(rlwiththeglass)nny

fuckyeahwhatsinyourbag url

2009-12-04T12:00:00.002-05:00

sorry, blog. i've abandoned you for tumblr. but i will return. because i am a writer.

until then,

ginny

p.s. things feel peach&rosy since thanksgiving. i love the ladies at iHop. its like grandmas kitchen. i'm finding it difficult to writer a letter. its all because i was raised by a foreign, that's why it all is. happy to be verb. smelling good, sleeping, music, food, smoke, art, conversation, fucking, and kissing. and you? how are you?

unbelievable. i miss the moon. that's why i've been off. he's been gone for too long. you know im so dependent on him. the moon is a man. he is the man of my life. and the spell he has me under, you couldn't believe.

the whale at the bottom of the pool ate my heart

2009-11-25T14:03:00.001-05:00

Dear Beatrice,
Call me Lola. No last name. Ya know, I actually created Lola as a pseudonym when I was thirteen and wrote awful short stories on this website I frequented. Feels about time to resurrect the old girl. I’m glad you wrote and happy to be back in disguise. I do think it’s impossible to know someone completely. Maybe we can never know ourselves completely either. I surprise myself all the time. Maybe the persons others see us as become a part of who we “really are” too. It reminds me of Mother Night by Kurt Vonnegut Jr. “You are who you pretend to be” and all that. Have you read it? Sometimes I feel like I’m hiding from everyone, but it’s not anything that can helped. Maybe it’s not such a bad thing, realizing we have no control. Maybe once we can accept that, it will seem foolish to complain and easier to just function. It’s funny how people evolve. It’s like we are all waiting for something, for all the things we need to survive.
Book characters are with me forever, and I can relate to them. People are like the weather and I have this terrible tendency to judge them. It seems I’m always forgetting how little I understand. We are so crowded and so isolated. But I think through isolation—and through strangers and letters—you can learn to live for yourself, and be honest. When no one’s around, you don’t have to hide. It feels better when I wash my face and when I wake up because I have to, but sometimes it’s better to just dream all day long even if they are kind of dreams I will forget.
My favorite color is purple. Does this letter feel purple to you? I also like black, navy and light blue. White, silver, pink, and red, too. They give me little quiet breaks, like moving lights and long drives. What are your favorite colors? Do you have one? I bet there are people who don’t have favorite colors.
Love,
Lola<3

things suck balls indefinitely

2009-11-10T02:55:00.004-05:00

i want to wake up tomorrow morning
and all my wishes to come true

the ones that crush. stop all the organ crushing;
blood won't flow to my head

shouldn't have let you touch me at all
too much to break

fruit punch lips
your pineapple pizza slice, you fruit
wipe that chin

my boss looks like tom delonge

2009-11-08T14:39:00.004-05:00

and no piercings allowed. well oh.

the question always is:
do i want to listen to this music, or do i want to take a shower?
the solution is usually to take a bath. the great compromise. but i hear frequent bathing may lead to, well uncomfortable stuff.

i want to be clean.

I'm tired of everyone I know,
of everyone I see
on the street
and on TV.

On the other side,
on the other side
nobody's waiting for me.
On the other side

I hate them all.
I hate them all.
I hate myself for hating them,
so I'll drink some more.
I love them all.
I'll drink even more.
I'll hate them even more
than I did before.

On the other side,
on the other side
nobody's waiting for me.
On the other side.

pierced...

2009-11-08T12:12:00.002-05:00

...by next post

pissy

2009-11-06T16:31:00.003-05:00

i wish my parents would stop calling.

sometimes i really hate society's modesty standards. FUCK THAT!

i cant relax anywhere, i hate it

"the cutter"

2009-11-05T12:17:00.002-05:00

watch the fingers close
when the hands are cold

-echo & the bunnymen

"the sleep of reason produces monsters"

2009-11-04T03:15:00.007-05:00

finally hired. to celebrate i
took a nap.
dreaming of a boy,
general sweetness,
and then:
bad dream about scary woman
and about this creature that takes adults
and makes them see themselves as children,
then he molests them as children and the adult self has to watch
that is all kinds of fucked up
the worst kind of thing too
standing by while the innocent child-me is corrupted, scarred
no defense
there is so much fear, and trust,
we don't know how to take care of ourselves, don't know what harm is
the scary woman indirectly lead her own children to the creature
because she was bitter and because they didn't love her
she cleaned this house all day
but it was dirty as fuck
she was in the attic or on second floor most the time

anyway...
i'd like to go back to the sweetness please
love just leaves you bruised, and i've got the scars to prove it
sometimes i have no idea what i really want

work codes:

1-cheese
2-pepperoni
3-mushroom
4-sausage
5-meatball
6-onion
7-jalapeno
8-tomato
9-anchovy
10-green peppers
11-garlic
12-olives; b-black g-green
13-spinach, mushroom special
F-feta
SPEC-special
SPIN-spinach
VEG-vegetarian
WHITE-white
BROC-broccoli
SAL-salad
ZONE-calzone

"like i care"

2009-11-02T12:48:00.000-05:00

Oh no
your love just leaves you bruised
if you want to know
you find something to lose

the world won't turn until something breaks
who will make the first last mistake
you say good things come to those who
wait

Into the spiral
Your world and my world
it's never final
love just leaves you bruised

I went because you said you'd be there
a box of candy
smoke in your hair
and I didn't know
I didn't care
but now I know
ba ba ba ba baaaaaa
ba ba ba ba baaaaaa
ba ba ba ba baaaaaa
ba ba ba ba
Love just leaves you bruised

Oh no
Love just leaves you screwed
you got to go slow
cause love just leaves you bruised

Into the spiral
Your world and my world
it's never final
love just leaves you bruised

I went because you said you'd be there
a box of candy
smoke in your hair
When I didn't know
I didn't care
but now I know
ba ba ba ba baaaaaa
ba ba ba ba baaaaaa
now I know
ba ba ba ba baaaaaa
ba ba ba ba
Love just leaves you bruised

and i've
got the scars to prove it

I went because you said you'd be there
a box of candy
smoke in your hair
explain it to me
again and again
like I care
ba ba ba ba baaaaa
ba ba ba ba baaaaa
like I care
ba ba ba ba baaaaa
ba ba ba ba baaaaa
Love just leaves you yeah

the world won't turn until something breaks
who will make the first last mistake
you say good things come to those who
wait
well I can't wait

I went because you said you'd be there
a box of candy
smoke in your hair
I didn't know
I didn't care
now I know

Ba ba ba ba baaaaaa

Genius.

2009-11-02T02:03:00.002-05:00

Plot summary
[edit] Harriet's life
Harriet M. Welsch is an outgoing 11-year-old girl aspiring to be a spy who lives on the Upper East Side of New York City. As practice for her future career, she observes others carefully and writes everything she thinks in a notebook. Her nurse, Catherine Golly (known to Harriet as Ole Golly), has encouraged this. It is shown later in the book that Harriet has become so used to writing things down that she cannot think properly without a notebook.

Harriet has an afternoon "spy route" which covers her classmates, friends, and neighborhood. Neighbors whom she observes include Harrison Withers, a bachelor with twenty-six cats; the Robinsons, a very wealthy but boring couple; Mrs. Agatha K. Plumber, an indolent divorcee; the Dei Santis, an Italian immigrant family which runs a grocery store; and the Dei Santis' deliveryman, Little Joe Curry, who has a habit of stealing food from the grocery for snacks and to give to a gang of hungry children who visit him regularly.

Harriet's best friends are Simon "Sport" Rocque and Janie Gibbs. Janie is interested in science, particularly chemistry, and is quite distrustful of her parents, especially her mother, who is trying to turn her into a "proper lady" by sending her to dancing school. Sport is a very mature boy who takes care of his father and himself by cooking, cleaning and managing the finances; his father, an author, has erratic income.

Harriet's classmates include rich, popular, class bully and perpetual teacher's pet Marion Hawthorne (described by Harriet in her notebook as a potential "lady Hitler"); Marion's second-in-command, Rachel Hennessey; the repulsive Pinky Whitehead; Laura Peters, who has a habit of smiling at everyone all the time; the somewhat pudgy Carrie Andrews, whose father is the Welsch's doctor; and a new student, the Boy With Purple Socks, who is so dull no one can remember his real name, which is Peter Matthews.

[edit] Ole Golly's departure
Ole Golly has a boyfriend named George Waldenstein. Ole Golly invites Mr. Waldenstein over for dinner, and he invites them out for a movie and an egg cream afterwards. Ole Golly is hesitant, but gives in. After the movie, they visit a drug store where Harriet gets an egg cream, and she is not aware of the engagement that was happening between Mr. Waldenstein and Ole Golly. When they get home, they see Mrs. Welsch in a tizzy. The Welsches had returned early to an empty house. Mrs. Welsh attempts to fire Ole Golly, but Golly declares she was about to quit to marry Mr. Waldenstein.

[edit] Harriet vs. the Spy Catcher Club
One day during a game of tag, Harriet loses her notebook and is mortified when her friends find it. The children find some of what she wrote hurtful, such as comparing Sport to "a little old woman" for his continual worrying about his father, or "Who does Janie Gibbs think she's kidding? Does she really think she could ever be a scientist?". Janie and Sport join the rest of the class in forming the "Spy Catcher Club", to think up ways to make Harriet's life miserable, including stealing her lunch, passing nasty notes about her in class and having Rachel spill ink all over her and disguise it as an accident. Harriet regularly spies on them through a back fence. One day, out of utter frustration and envy, Harriet drops a note in the Hennesseys' mailbox for Rachel's mother. It states "All those kids hate Rachel. They just want your cake. Furthermore they will clutter up the backyard and also they constitute a nuisance. -A friend". The Hennesseys find it and Rachel later announces to the Spy Catcher Club that a crank note was dropped in her mailbox. She summarizes what the note said, and to Harriet's amusement, Pinky Whitehead states "Well, it's very good cake".

The people on Harriet's spy route fare little better. The bachelor's cats are taken from him and he becomes depressed, the wealthy but boring couple receive a hideous statue which they adore, the indolent woman reacts hysterically to her doctor's announcement that she must be confined to her bed for the rest of her life and the immigrant family's truck is ruined by their lazy son. And to her utter fury and humiliation, Harriet is caught in the dumbwaiter by Mrs. Plumber's maid.

Hurt and lonely, Harriet resolves to get back at her former friends by thinking up a special punishment for each one. She gets into trouble when she carries out some of her plans (including cutting off a chunk of Laura's hair, hiding a frog in Marion's desk and teasing Rachel about her estranged father). When that fails, Harriet tries to resume her friendship with Sport and Janie as if nothing ever happened, but they both reject her. On top of that, Harriet spends all her time in class writing in her notebook as a part of her plan to punish the Spy Catcher Club (in addition to "writing her memoirs"). As a result of never doing her schoolwork, her grades suffer, and Harriet's parents confiscate her notebook and take her to a psychologist. Exactly what the psychologist tells the Welsches is never found out, despite Harriet's assiduous spying; but before long Ole Golly writes to Harriet, telling her that if anyone ever reads her notebook, "you have to do two things, and you don't like either one of them. 1: You have to apologize. 2: You have to lie. Otherwise you are going to lose a friend".

Meanwhile, dissent is rippling through the Spy Catcher Club. Marion and Rachel are calling all the shots, and Sport and Janie eventually get tired of being bossed around by Marion and quit the club, inspiring most of their other classmates to do the same. Eventually all that is left of the club is Marion, Rachel, Carrie, and Laura, playing bridge and Mahjong in the afternoons, a caricature of the stereotypical suburban "ladies' club" of the 1950s. Harriet, spying on them, reflects with brief pity that they will probably do exactly that for the rest of their lives.

[edit] Conclusion
Harriet's parents speak with her teacher and the headmistress, and Harriet is appointed editor of the class newspaper (replacing Marion Hawthorne). The newspaper—featuring some stories about the people on Harriet's spy route, as well as juicy stories about her schoolmates' parents (which Harriet has overheard from her own parents)—becomes an instant success. Things improve for those on her spy route as well: Harrison Withers obtains a new kitten, the Robinsons manage to find some people to look at their hideous baby, Mrs. Plumber, having received notice from her doctor that she really did not have to stay in bed, becomes full of bountiful activity, and the Dei Santis' "lazy" son becomes a very studious worker after he obtains a job he likes as a trucker.

After some time as the editor, Harriet makes amends to her former friends through the paper, offering a printed retraction and Janie and Sport forgive her in the end.

Rococo to Post-Impressionism

2009-11-01T18:06:00.003-05:00

distraction
from art history slide study
it's an issue
i have to listen to music,
if i don't i feel i'm wasting time
and yet listening requires attention,
attention away from art history
which is while interesting, is less so than my music

I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour
But heaven knows I'm miserable now

I was looking for a job, and then I found a job
And heaven knows I'm miserable now

In my life
Why do I give valuable time
To people who don't care if I live or die ?

Two lovers entwined pass me by
And heaven knows I'm miserable now

I was looking for a job, and then I found a job
And heaven knows I'm miserable now

In my life
Oh, why do I give valuable time
To people who don't care if I live or die ?

What she asked of me at the end of the day
Caligula would have blushed

"You've been in the house too long" she said
And I (naturally) fled

In my life
Why do I smile
At people who I'd much rather kick in the eye ?

I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour
But heaven knows I'm miserable now

"You've been in the house too long" she said
And I (naturally) fled

In my life
Why do I give valuable time
To people who don't care if I live or die ?

put together

2009-10-30T11:53:00.004-04:00

i miss my best friend
enough candy, i've had enough
in the end, i still feel the cravings

popo pricks

2009-10-29T23:08:00.001-04:00

i think miller age 20 is very attractive. not even joking. no lie about the wolves. no lie.

may i just say?

2009-10-29T17:55:00.003-04:00

i'm a girl who loves her some fonts.
i was just sitting here admiring them all. i blushed, got a little misty.
oh fonts, if only if only
i would study--
heck
i will study you
all a-you
all y'all all y'all

the unwritten lists & BOWIE

2009-10-29T17:40:00.003-04:00

grocery shopping:

blockbuster movie shopping:

job hunting:

halloween costume searching:

paper outlining:

i must mention,
i love outlining
it's a new discovery
two papers ago,
i cut up some paragraphs--
physically
needless to say, at the time... it made sense.
"the limbs and guts of my room"
HA HA

Though nothing
Will keep us together
We could steal time
Just for one day
We can be Heroes
For ever and ever
What d'you say

I
I wish you could swim
Like the dolphins
Like dolphins can swim
Though nothing
Will keep us together
We can beat them
For ever and ever
Oh we can be Heroes
Just for one day

I
I will be king
And you
You will be queen
Though nothing
Will drive them away
We can be Heroes
Just for one day
We can be us
Just for one day

I
I can remember
Standing
By the wall
And the guns
Shot above our heads
And we kissed
As though nothing could fall
And the shame
Was on the other side
Oh we can beat them
For ever and ever
Then we can be Heroes
Just for one day

We can be Heroes
We can be Heroes
We can be Heroes
Just for one day
We can be Heroes
We're nothing
And nothing will help us
Maybe we're lying
Then you better not stay
But we could be safer
Just for one day

heroes for one day,
i. love. it. hear me? love it.

ooh shrooms

2009-10-27T17:54:00.001-04:00

A Hypnotizing Hunt Leaves Russians Bewildered

It happens every mushroom season. Russians are passionate about gathering mushrooms, an ancient pastime they call the “quiet hunt,” and routinely become so hypnotized that they get hopelessly lost.

coming home early 'cause of a fever; i miss, i miss, i miss

2009-10-26T19:41:00.006-04:00

those days

memories of my childhood
are floating like thick strips
of days, floating at the pit of me

getting dressed on the morning
eating a grapefruit half
searching for my bathing suit
smell of the beach bag

got kicked out
stuck his tongue,
yelled 'sucker'

and i hardly remember how i thought
i have descriptions tied with association,
no explanation
childhood is a blur for more than one reason
what happened while i was sleeping & how,
how did i get here

outling a draft on a sunday night

2009-10-25T20:34:00.004-04:00

it is due tuesday. not the draft. the real paper
it's about music and friends.
i mention the dress i wore on my first day of kindergarten. blue jean. red plaid collar. teddy bear. making friends v. socialization.
company v. freedom
having friends and having differences
music preferences exist because people are different.
people orchestrate sound and no one does it the same way.
this is staying on track, right?

anyway the subject matter is making me a bit sad. considering the last post and recent events. is it so difficult to live with others?

'Betrayed' by Albert Markovski. Is it possible for anybody in this world to work together to make it better? I don't think so

i just want to rest on the carpet together and listen to music. is that so difficult?
why did i move here? oh yeah. i remember. it's a funny thing really. (i say that a lot)

i want a job like i dont know what. give me give me
come here come here to me
c'mere, you should be in my life.

in the tradition of titles i created at ages 12 through 17 "enough"

2009-10-23T18:59:00.004-04:00

a change of mind

tea & bread & on another note:

2009-10-22T14:48:00.007-04:00

On Another Note:

oh boy oh boy oh boy
a smoke a smoke i need a smoke
it's friday now.
green, red
my least favorite combination
oh boy...
the triangle begins

i wish i could beam poems, whole poems. i wish i could.

2009-10-22T14:24:00.002-04:00

This is why events unnerve me,
They find it all, a different story,
Notice whom for wheels are turning,
Turn again and turn towards this time,
All she ask's the strength to hold me,
Then again the same old story,
Word will travel, oh so quickly,
Travel first and lean towards this time.

Oh, I'll break them down, no mercy shown,
Heaven knows, it's got to be this time,
Watching her, these things she said,
The times she cried,
Too frail to wake this time.

Oh, I'll break them down, no mercy shown,
Heaven knows, it's got to be this time,
Avenues all lined with trees,
Picture me and then you start watching,
Watching forever, forever,
Watching love grow, forever,
Letting me know, forever.

a day of counting hours
radiohead covers
repeated songs
getting down
i could get down
to that
i did
but i was so tired
you blew my mind
and i stopped thinking
so loud, it blew my mind
i was a weed, your yellow dandelion
missed in the grasp
half torn at the corner of your garage
petting your dog
sorry for that sorry i'm sorry

apple seeds & soda straws (at the public library)

2009-10-22T13:37:00.005-04:00

children's book about calculating love in relationships; all probability. but dangerous levels of cute.

thornton wilder "the skin of our teeth"

9:30 in the morning, in the american literature section of my hometown library and i thought a play would be really satisfying. i will finish the third and final act after my internet break. still have at least 3 hours to kill.

feel as if i have run away
this is partly true
acquaintances only know my location
funny without a bed to sleep

thank you, sir
for the compliment
without the line

tornadoes tornadoes
poor souls
if i am so beautiful
and so withdrawn
where is the flocking?

his thumb and finger
reach all round my wrist
they say it is a good sign

yesterday morning...
was awful
afterwards...
i sat in a mcdonalds with this stranger
he bought me a parfait and water
him a breakfast roll, orange juice
cried a little and he said to stop that
held my hand

think i've found something precious
though i'm unsure
this fall is slow
i can see every--
every movement
this is the kind of stuff
short stories are made of

the protagonist will soon
retell the fall
when it started
before jim broke his arm
after peru. forth of july.
a few calls. a few lies.
then realization.

outside myself. withdrawn.
i want my tattoo to speak: withdrawn
a girl with a glass, half empty and pensive.
the glass or the girl?

a choice. a promise. what we make. believe in that.

book 4 go to the aquarium

2009-10-18T19:35:00.005-04:00

I love friends

Colorado boy floats away in balloon

2009-10-15T15:09:00.005-04:00

balloon, wax wings, car keys
what do these three have in common

@ drunken unicorn

2009-10-15T13:51:00.006-04:00

from last night. wish i could add music to this thing.

seeing&feeling
that's it

david bazan:

bazan and band:

looking at myself:

the smiths radio via last.fm

my bathroom is wonderful
the color posters
the bath & toilet
the soap dish
the broken towel rack on the floor

dont you love a mess?
sometimes i'm a girl who loves a mess. it's the principle of the matter.
always love cleaning.

two emergency cigarettes left. a full stock is three.

there is one thing i'd like to do before i turn twenty. because all the other things can wait. because that is what is most important to me... change of plan. man, maybe 'want' shouldn't drive everything. that's funny. as if anyone can help that. is fulfilling desires a healthy exploration or selfishness? uhh. enough with the abstractions already.

bodies bodies bodies foreign bodies our bodies
not me. dont wanna go home. i want to stay here.

Belligerent ghouls
Run manchester schools

Spineless swines
Cemented minds

Sir leads the troops
Jealous of youth
Same old suit since 1962

He does the military two-step
Down the nape of my neck

I wanna go home
I dont wanna stay
Give up education
As a bad mistake

Mid-week on the playing fields
Sir thwacks you on the knees

Knees you in the groin
Elbow in the face
Bruises bigger than dinner plates

I wanna go home
I dont wanna stay

Da-da-da ...

Belligerent ghouls
Run manchester schools

Spineless bastards all ...

Sir leads the troops
Jealous of youth
Same old jokes since 1902

He does the military two-step
Down the nape of my neck

I wanna go home
I dont want to stay
Give up life
As a bad mistake

Please excuse me from gym
Ive got this terrible cold coming on
He grabs and devours
He kicks me in the showers
Kicks me in the showers
And he grabs and devours

I want to go home
I dont want to stay...

Acadème

2009-10-14T00:41:00.002-04:00

reading one man's meat E.B. White
watching director's commentary for The Squid and The Whale

Woke Up This Morning

...we read diaries because we want to know what the diarist was really like as a person, but how plausible, even in the case of famous diarists, is this? It’s true that we read the diaries of Virginia Woolf because they were written by Virginia Woolf, who, in addition to being an interesting novelist, was an interesting character. But (a paradox of representation) we would actually feel that we had a more intimate sense of Virginia Woolf if we read about her in someone else’s diary. Woolf described from the outside by another person is likely to give us a more vivid picture of what Virginia Woolf was really like than Woolf described from the inside by herself. Introspection is not as reliable as observation. (That’s why we have shrinks.)

Inside, everyone sounds, more or less eloquently, like the same broken record of anxiety and resentment. It’s the outside, the way people look and the things they say, that makes them distinct. We read Woolf’s diaries so that we can see other people through Woolf’s eyes:

i need to be more in touch with the concrete world. really do. grass. trees. the train. i need to ride the train and not leave the train, the seat, the arm rail.

can't wait for British lit. i can't wait for American lit. what is the difference between studying creative writing and literature? i know the difference. but what is the difference? how does it change, influence the writer?

acting is so interesting. i would like to study the subject in particular. not just film. my god. Laura Linney... is wonderful. wonderful. wonderful. I see something real when I watch her, and it is false. That's funny. I don't understand so many things.

and that's all from this broken record for tonight.

fallen angels are for me

2009-10-12T19:11:00.009-04:00

turn offs:

tv > music
a boy worse at guitar than i
flip flops
bitches
inexperience
younger
sloppy
so good i feel guilty
annoying
doesn't notice bad smell
no style
pussy
bad hair and i mean bad
awkward
nerd
sobriety
sheep
wolf in sheep's clothing

turn ons:

wolves
southern
thugs
hermits
addicts
intensity
a great voice
takes all the energy away
no real interest in food
dark > light
gives me a natural high
creators
with music inside
with rhythm
violent
rough
flaws
working class
unbridled passion
with theory
guts
with moves
jerks
likable
with enemies
a sleeper
an insomniac
with vision and i dont mean sight

sounds like someone can't wait to read Hush, Hush dont judge me. this aint no YA vampire romance. it's a dark angel.
anyway dont pay attention to the lame trailer. i want to puke. i mean.. i've heard good things...
but really, really? the same font and everything? book trailers shouldn't exist. they just shouldn't.
the next few weeks I'll have to last on 20 bucks
i think i'll take trips to borders and read it in the store...?

i'm just saying...

2009-10-12T18:55:00.005-04:00

i can wait on the bed no mind
heck, heck i want to
better than the dream

Day after day
I will walk and I will play
But the day after today
I will stop
And I will start my way
Why cant I get just one kiss
Why cant I get just one kiss
Believe me thered be somethings that I wouldnt miss
But I look at your pants and I need I need a kiss
Why cant I get just one screw
Why cant I get just one screw
Believe me I know what to do
But something wont let me make love to you
Why cant I get just one fuck
Why cant I get just one fuck
I guess its something to do with luck
But I waited my whole life for just one
Day afterday
I get angry
And I will say
That the day
Is in my sight
When Ill take a bow
And say goodnight

oh ma mamma mamma mo ma mum
have you kept your eye, your eye on your son
I know youve had problems, youre not the only one
When your sugar left, he left you on the run

oh ma mamma mamma mo ma mum
take a look now at what your boy has done
hes walking around like hes number one
went downtown and you got him a gun

so dont shoot, shoot, shoot that thing at me
dont shoot, shoot, shoot that thing at me
you know youve got my sympathy
but donât shoot, shoot, shoot that thing at me

dont shoot, shoot, shoot that thing at me
dont shoot, shoot, shoot that thing at me
you know youve got my sympathy
but dont shoot, shoot, shoot that thing at me

going down the kitchen at the top of the stairs
can I mix in with your affairs
share a smoke, make a joke
grasp and reach for a leg of hope
words to memorize, words hypnotize
words make my mouth exercise
words all failed the magic prize
nothing I can say when Im in your thighs

oh ma mamma mamma mo ma mother
I would love to love you lover
city is restless, its ready to pounce
here in your bedroom, ounce for ounce
oh ma mamma mamma mo ma mother

I would love to love you lover
the city is restless, its ready to pounce
here in your bedroom, ounce for ounce
Ive given you, decision to make
things to lose, things to take
just as shes about ready to cut it up
she says wait a minute honey, Im gonna add it up
add it up add it up add it up

day after day
I get angry
and I will say
that the day
is in my sight
when Ill take a bow
and say goodnight

you put the 'lent' in violent
ashes to ashes
hey, did you know
we used to kneel next to one another
he has the most perfect hands

our digital hearts

2009-10-12T17:11:00.007-04:00

walking to the train this afternoon, a stranger asked if i brought the rain--there was a storm last night and a drizzle all morning--he asked twice. said my look was different. asked if he scared me. then he went to put money on his breeze card. nice meeting you. you too.

an epiphany, an episode
one of the two

i will never buy the cheap tights again
talk about a product of poor function
more like black clouds around my legs than sticky tar
that is my style
sense and sensibility

never buy chocolate again either
boy

can you believe i only discovered last.fm this afternoon?
better late, so they say

I know i said i wouldn't, but this isn't from my mouth or wavelength:

No. I've changed my mind. I'd like to cancel my love.
If only it took a single click. Wipe away my love. That's a command.

This Morning I Woke Up... and read brief band bios. loads.

2009-10-12T05:11:00.007-04:00

after i wash my face, i could stay up for hours (been up for 3 now since 4am)
funny how much energy water can provide without consumption

this bruise looks like a flower
or butterfly
it's a butterfly.

is it wrong that I've assumed myself more well read than my counselor?
that's okay. i adore her voice. she sounds like meryl streep. and that woman went to vassar. and that information lead me north. and the north splashed me in the face.
just great. i'll tell you.

i can hardly wait to see david bazan. hard.ly.wait.
give me something to destroy! outlets, please!
not gritty, just banged up

filling the time with band, music, artist research. try one:

Oberst was also profoundly influenced by the work of Elliott Smith, saying in an October 22, 2003 All Things Considered interview that "sometimes when you're not feeling good, you have to listen to really sad music like Elliott Smith's" and that [Smith] "wrote the sweetest, saddest, most gentle songs". Oberst also said he liked to "listen to Elliott Smith's songs when he [couldn't] find anyone to talk to on the phone" and thought that it was sad that, "through his music, [Smith] had the ability to answer feelings in others that he was unable to answer in himself".[17] A live cover of Smith's "The Biggest Lie" is featured on Motion Sickness.

good idea, man. though he is a sheep and i dont mean a follower. i mean his voice.
if only i found this before i made that sandwich

want to listen to all of this. i've sampled a lot, but i want the album experience.
and the good thing is
i have the time and i will have the money.
who needs food, what i have will last anyway:

Neko Case
-The Tigers Have Spoken *
-The Virginian

Jenny Lewis
-Acid Tongue*

Death Cab for Cutie
-We Have the Facts and We’re Voting Yes*
-Something About Airplanes
-The Photo Album

Monsters of Folk
-Monsters of Folk

Elliot Smith
-Roman Candle
-Either/Or*

Belle & Sebastian
-Tiger Milk
-The Life Pursuit*
-Storytelling
-Fold Your Hands, Child Walk Like a Peasant

Stuart Murdoch
-God Save The Girl

Julian Casablancas
-Phrazes of the Young*

Pedro the Lion
-Achilles Heel
Control*
It’s Hard to Find a Friend

David Bazan
-Fewer Moving Parts

Radiohead
-Amnesiac
-Pablo Honey

Ben Kweller
-Sha Sha
-On My Way*

Iron & Wine
-Around The Well

The Smiths
-The Smiths
-Meat is Murder
-The Queen is Dead*
-Strangeways, Here We Come

Ben Gibbard
-Home Volume V

The Postal Service
-Give Up

The Avett Brothers
-I and Love and You

Artic Monkies
-Humbug*

Jim Carroll Band
-Catholic Boy

Julian Plenti
-Julian Plenti is... Skyscraper*

Coconut Records
-Nighttiming
-Davy

Rilo Kiley
-Under the Blacklight* (Ooo, it, feels good to be free!)

minus one

2009-10-12T00:10:00.002-04:00

wish i had a scar, a physical scar, for every time i used the word 'love' in this platform. dear god that fucking word. alas, i refuse to edit. and so. no longer!

our toys are happy slaves

2009-10-11T23:48:00.003-04:00

that's the moral of the toy story.
believe it.
the happy slave.
my ge-tar
my slippers
my dry wall
my white ocean above, my best friend
i tell her everything in the dark
and she is the kind of ocean
that doesn't make a girl feel so insignificant
she is the kind of ocean
that makes a girl feel like a god,
or just like heaven
heaven is your room
your room
a place for me
in which everything else is subordinate
guests,
guests...
that's why there are guest rooms
make yourself at home
with my things, my slaves
so happy and dusted

i can't believe i'm writing a paper about this
Dakota was right; it is dumb

someone in 4023 with brown boots

2009-10-11T19:32:00.003-04:00

still heat between my fingers
the unoccupied space
riding the elevator with someone is always nice
and something
never know how to glance correctly
or slouch

noticed that i fidget more than i'd like
lost my pick
used a dime
too loud
it always comes back to that

i think i just need to wait until i'm older
i think
that's all it is
until then
light up!

out of the mindset

2009-10-11T10:53:00.005-04:00

my platform is starting to become a face. it's pissing me off. stop looking at me. this is a film without the picture. the words can't hold their own. anymore. they were once sound and language and now...now
why why why
now i really need that boy.
now i really do
i wish i could stop halting.
time for the bath, they say soaking helps

it's in the player

2009-10-10T23:25:00.003-04:00

the menu music is playing
gonna watch all the special features
...it's gonna be amazing all over again
never needed a feel-good like i do right now

(write it) as it comes

2009-10-10T00:19:00.009-04:00

i have to listen to you sing
i'll travel
i'd disappear

i will i will i will i will darling baby bud please
allow me let me read about this one day someone may read

about
how i held my arm against the door
and slammed the opposite fist against it
smashed my left hand in the bathroom drawer
over and again
the things i learn from movies
good ways to self-destruct
but boy, can i live to dream another dream
now that i've done that
boy, can i live
can i shut my eyes
now that it's done
i've served my punishment
i know i lived wrong
i know, let me tell you

cant wait for the bruises, the bumpy scars
to come in, for someone to walk in
and hold me, wide-eyed, like they really care
we should keep living though, even strangers
lives matter, in the end they won't let us die
the way we want to
they want to make us suffer through it all
oh god
i do have these thoughts i do
when i was fourteen i always misspelled
these, and so many other words
it makes me cringe
whisper to me
like it is something only i can know
no one else in the world but us
that time is over that time is over that time is over
have to listen to an album beginning to end
in context, listen to all the work
like she meant it to be heard
i brought smoke upon this house
and it never belonged to me
never understood it really
it was just a tool
the poor girls, they dont know who i am
that i believe them flawed and stupid and beautiful and smooth
i punish where i can
with what i got
and i got sharp metal and skin, muscle and skin, drawers and toilets, a throat and two fingers, there are a million ways to self-destruct
love that goes away and doesnt hurt that doesnt make you feel a thing
that is freedom that is solitude
i never want the pain to go away never never never
cause when it comes back, that's what makes it sting that's what makes it worse
this is all horrible fucking vomit and yet i keep going
this is for me, why can't i just hate myself genuinely and get it over with
everyone i love would be better for it. that is a lie. it would still be for me. selfless selfless come here
come to me why must i agree or disagree and feel lost either way wrong either way
set in blues and purples set in already my language is simple
simple country girl brown and empty a little strange, a little annoying and disrespectful because of the ignorance
i dont know so many things so many things
i wish i knew it all or knew nothing nothing an open mind
history is what builds, i am made of mistakes, i love that i believe it
should i tell the truth
that is always the question
part maybe parts
what happened to your glasses
tell me, tell what you think of them
how they make you feel
i liked them
tell me you'll dance with me
sit in this chair
right here, in the middle of this room
and go,
play
spin baby spin

To Whom it May Concern:
anxiety, adjustment disorder and depression

my question is the comma,
three or more, there should be a comma
rules i bet you never knew i was such a good slave,
those aren't intuitions, those are teachings ingrained
brainwashing, that is the only decent way child
if you want friends
and you want money (for all your pretty things)
this is the way
but i think people are beautiful
they are so beautiful
better than their homes
better than the sun
can i be fucked already
please
fucked by one of those beautiful people
just one please
make me feel like i'm one of them
pet me please like i'm yours
make me yours, call me mine
i'll come
bumpy white scars
see them and know that i know
i know im wrong, please dont tell me
dont hit me, i already know i already did
and if you still do, maybe it won't be as bad,
maybe you wont see me cry

heaven smells like airports
she said she said
i wish i could sing like that
at least radiate that
like gold beams out my fingers

i didnt watch my movie

glad to be born down here
glad to be young
i have this body
dont let it waste

i can't be jane, judy, emily, neko, zooey, laura, a wonderful woman on two feet
you cant shake them
you can't shake me
that's what i've learned
i think so many things
that's so funny
i think it's so funny
none of it matters,
nothing it doesnt mean anything
listen here, boy this is what was brewing
this is the smoldering underneath
dont sell yourself so short
but i guess we all can take care of ourselves huh
it all comes down to
what did i expect
they call it a killer whale
and still i'm surprised
philip carey tonight
amelie the next
don't yell at me
some things will go with me to the grave
if they give me one
and don't please dont
throw me in the sea
like i was your bad luck
ill go, just give me a minute to cry
a minute or two
this red face is ugly like judas
these two cheeks are warm hills molded for your hands
i'll go i'll go i promise
yonlu, where are you when i need you.
hear me from down there, out there
what do you think
you feel me
my speakers are blown
at least you know that feeling

i'm not so disciplined
not so strong willed

so dont worry stranger, dont worry mom

the next time you say forever

2009-10-10T00:02:00.003-04:00

i will punch you in the face

o, if i had the nerve
i would

stop this madness, i want you

neko neko teach me
teach me to punish others
not just myself

she is ruthless
she can fly

i wonder sometimes

if all these expectations
and all this love
i hold for unknowns
is really just a build up of
qualities no one real can completely possess
the way id like them to, the way i see it up here

or maybe they are just bits of people
not the whole thing
the whole thing is
too much for me to swallow
i can't really hold all that weight
no matter how much i beg

that's what's got me
so hung up
just don't understand
how this works, how it all works

I feel you, Rhett Butler, I feel you

2009-10-09T20:32:00.008-04:00

tonight is the night this girl needs to watch her favorite movie.
and there have been nights like this before when she didn't.
but it's gonna happen.
right now.

the girl is gonna get her a tall glass, or two,
and swim
fuck. that. sounds. good.

what else do i have?

music is better when two people enjoy it together.
and i only have myself.

a carpet, some jams, mr.___________
and i'll be satisfied.

some live jams
marry me, musician
i want to live on the road with you
no home, no home
just destinations and love
oh god that sounds so fucking good
fucking good every fucking night

i have no aspirations
tell me that isn't a good first line.
oh, okay. i guess it isn't then.
but i still have no aspirations.
wait, take it back. here it is:
my aspiration is to inspire you, to love you where you need to be loved

No, I don't think I will kiss you, although you need kissing, badly. That's what's wrong with you. You should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how.

He's got it and I wish I did. I'd tell it straight: This is what you need. I'll give you some time, but in the end you need me and I need you. we are the same lot. i'm in love with myself. i need you where you fill my holes my self-inflicted punctures.
but it all comes back to FRANKLY MY DEAR I DON'T GIVE A DAMN
fuck you scarlet. ruin it all. fuck.
scarlet scarlet dear my. dear. girl. you don't know anything. just like me.
just. like. me.
maybe one-man-women really exist. starting to think so. that's the end of that story. judy judy judy,
i feel you girl. i feel all y'all. all y'all.

i don't wanna see my mammaopapa. there isn't anything wrong with me.
respect that goddamn it. i dont want to see you.
sleep
sleep
where i want to be

when i was younger, ^ i wanted that. confused dreams with reality. honestly. what. was. i. thinking.
i slipped under the fence. force fed anne frank. pushed my face into the pillow. some people have died. some people couldn't play outside when they wanted. did you know did you know goddamn that shit i want to experiment. let me. let me. no don't. i'll do it anyway, just to piss you off.

family is possibly just coincidence. if i wasn't your child, you wouldn't love me.
i think you're perfect. i think he's perfect. they all are. you taught her wrong. you brought her up and laced her shoes. sometimes she embarrassed you. i've switched schools to start over more than one. i should be so lucky. everyone has that dream. they don't want to keep being who they've always been. and even though everyone else has been such a bitch, so annoying, we still believe in someone better.

i should stop

2009-10-07T02:46:00.002-04:00

the 11th day

2009-10-07T02:23:00.002-04:00

Ginny Barnes: believe it
Ginny completed the quiz "Who is your soulmate?" with the result 11.
They were born on the 11th day..

A Great Piece of Turf

2009-10-05T09:46:00.003-04:00

Nature holds the beautiful for the artist who has the insight to extract it. Thus beauty lies even in the humble, perhaps ugly, things, and the ideal, which bypass or improves on nature, may not be truly beautiful in the end.

[D]epart not from nature according to your fancy, imagining to find aught better by yourself... For verily, 'art' is embedded in nature; he who can extract it, has it. --Albrecht Dürer

yeah i love, and i'm gonna keep loving

2009-10-04T02:22:00.002-04:00

tomorrow it's gonna happen.
zooey will help me to understand it all
i will love and love and love and love
too perky
too down
when is there disinterest? when will indifference begin for me?
can't stomach another fall
help me here, Zo
help me here fictional
give me the answers im too timid to discover myself
"this is a living room, in the sense that this is where this woman/this master does the majority of her living"
in sense that this is where my living is done. inside this room, outside in spirit. spirit. what is that worth anyway?

blood isn't rose,
it's cherry
it catches all over
crusts like winter

i grew up down there, up there
its not the same as where you're from
it's not
we havent learned things, dont know about interest
but you'll love us
the attitude, the history we carry
my best friend calls me from the flooded park
we have houses and rooms
bedsheets
railways
our own two feet
the night is always open
and our boys gotta be up by five

when will these pills knock me out

2009-10-03T03:03:00.002-04:00

on refusing comfort

2009-10-02T03:56:00.004-04:00

why don't you say something
i caught a cold in the car
--wait for it--because of you
went to sleep there cause i had to have my night
my day with the road and thoughts of you
two women desperate and thick in this swamp of love
zooey, zooey, zooey
i was about ready to scoop him up like my kitten
ready for a life journey across the usa
smokey water and pines ablaze
i ran to the sunrise
ate breakfast alone, but i had it all the same
fuck you fuck you i'm locking this shit hole up
its panting like a sickly little girl
and ive refused my mother's extended arms
a hundred times, because i dont believe
in sun rays anymore
just bleeding and the bitter side of every season
they shouldnt be allowed to be so beautiful,
when you won't love me like you should
but its everywhere
everywhere, and my heart is bruising
from beating round the chains
hurry up and die
grow something new

some, "found pieces"

2009-10-01T14:15:00.007-04:00

No, this is not a test!

e⋅phem⋅er⋅al /ɪˈfɛmərəl/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [i-fem-er-uhl] Show IPA
Use ephemeral in a Sentence
See web results for ephemeral
See images of ephemeral
–adjective 1. lasting a very short time; short-lived; transitory: the ephemeral joys of childhood.
2. lasting but one day: an ephemeral flower.

–noun 3. anything short-lived, as certain insects.

in Just-

by: e.e. cummings (1894-1962)

N Just-
spring when the world is mud-
luscious the little
lame baloonman

whistles far and wee

and eddieandbill come
running from marbles and
piracies and it's
spring

when the world is puddle-wonderful

the queer
old baloonman whistles
far and wee
and bettyandisbel come dancing

from hop-scotch and jump-rope and

it's
spring
and
the

goat-footed

baloonMan whistles
far
and
wee

"in just" was originally published in The Dial Volume LXVIII, Number 5 (May 1920). New York: The Dial Publishing Company, Inc.

and it's not even spring
its early fall
not even really cool outside
"oh boy"
how i love that outcry

go on now,
skedaddle back to real life
"we're not in therapy now-
we're in real life"

babe, i'm your girl, your fangirl

2009-09-29T02:14:00.002-04:00

meet you at the runway,
celebrity burnout
i still collect your memory
in my perfume box
despite everything
you are a god
lower case 'g'
when i catch your eye
i drop my 5 by 7s
the south whipped you
up into my love
i think you are a package
of many toys, the christmas closet stash

i have to listen as you sing, you command
let me let me in

im a dog im a dog im a lap dog, im your lap dog

carr yy our mon eyba gle tme
tell me how you learn and tell me it doesnt hurt
it doesnt bring you bitter
this is the song of the insomniacs

i want to comfort you
with efforts and

encouragement important love words
those flower cards plastic smell
could never do that to a friend

girl with the glass episode 1

2009-09-27T08:26:00.004-04:00

wanting day dreams to happen
not goal-dreams
not dream-dreams
day dreams

time for smashing pumpkins

that is fantasy
i need to reread for the first time in my life
of human bondage
catcher
franny and zooey
and read read too
orlando
poetry
a shit load
i just need to inhale that shit like liquor
like the college 19 year old student i am
hace tres meses yo fue...
yo fue...

this is not my not my olive branch
i've just understood that
this is my fucking island

i need to sing
and play and sing and okay okay play
and read and read and starve
i want to live down by the river
because i want to be an artist
all this time i thought it was a waste
that i didnt have the guts
and i didnt i was a wimp
but im dying here
and i dont care if i dont eat
i want to create
and no one has to appreciate it
but my soul wont feel so restless anymore
i think i hope
im dropping the fuck out
part way
i want to work
and be inspired by people
real people
and write and write and fucking write
i want to write i want to write for fucking ever
climb a fucking tree a fucking black tree with tear drop branches
i've never known that kind of tree
but i think one sprouted in my head
did i misspell black again?
i need to be isolated
really isolated
for a period of time
i hope no one ever finds this
it would completely change
and what would i have then
i want my streams to be beautiful
floods my whole space to be a stream
nothing but music and walls
words after words
strip down everything
i should read now
i should really read now

myspace bulletin board

2009-09-27T08:23:00.001-04:00

how long can you blow a raspberry

Is there a reason behind why you feel the way you feel?
i'm sure there is some formula

When will you celebrate your next birthday and how old will you be?
20 on april4

How did you spend your day yesterday?
morning shower, no money for dance class, a sort of palm/head reading appointment, the job hunt, home

What would you do if someone was ignoring you for no reason?
maybe i would react. maybe i wouldn't.

When you're being kissed, do you like it when they hold your face?
hold me why not

Does your birthday take place during the winter?
no

Have you ever kissed someone with curly hair?
yeah

What exactly were you doing at 11am today?
making lists

Have you ever wanted something so bad but knew you couldn't have it?
things like that happen

What would you wish for if you were granted one wish and one wish only?
that's too much power

If you were offered to vacation to the Bahamas for a week, would you go?
no

Who knows you better than you know yourself?
dont know

Did you cry quite often over this past summer?
no

Think of your first real best friend, are they still there for you?
no

Do you think your first love will always affect you later in life?
i hope

How many chances do you tend to give people before enough is enough?
like i have a number in mind? step all over me. as much as you like.

Has someone ever called you in the dead of the night just to hear your voice?
yeah right

When you have a problem, can you talk about it to your closest friend?
yes

Does it bother you when people smoke around you?
no

Name something or someone you really want right now.
no

Did you wake up in the middle of the night last night?
yes. shoes on tumble in the dryer

What will be the next thing you'll watch on television?
no tv

What was the last beverage you consumed?
sobe. it's a project i'm working on.

Have you ever skipped school just because you were tired?
yes

Will you be single over summer?
how should i know?

Is your heart broken right now?
yeah

Who was the last person to smack your butt?
hah oh god

Do you believe in 'love'
i try

Where is the last person you kissed at this moment?
dont know

Are you going to be one hundred percent honest?
no

The shirt you're wearing, when did you get it?
plain white. they're all over the place

Are you gonna be home tonight?
i say yes

Has anyone gotten on your nerves lately?
school

Someone knocks on your window at 2 am, what do you say?
hey:)

Do you feel awkward when strangers say hi to you?
no, but today this man made a strange hand gesture at me and smiled as i was driving through the wal-mart parking lot. atl, man.

What do you usually do first in the morning?
think consciously

Are you smoking a "cig" right now?
no. why 'cig'?

Do you currently have feelings for anybody?
this sounds like every episode of family matters. i do.

What happened at 3:00pm today?
hello pawn shop!

Does your profile song have a meaning?
Yonlu! that brazillian boy, that mop. i like him. too bad

Do you miss the way things used to be?
nostalgia is a sickness

Do you care what people think about you?
some more than others

Did any particular thing brighten up your day today?
newport

What do you hear right now?
music, my mother on the phone

Did you kiss or hug anyone in the last 48 hours?
no

he is completely right

2009-09-26T20:29:00.003-04:00

i just want a metaphor written about myself
give me my metaphor and i'll be on my way

i'll abandon my love!

these days with Dylan

2009-09-26T15:19:00.002-04:00

some use quotes
i use lyrics and chords

to play when too in love:

Intro:
G D G
My heart is telling me, I love you still

Verses:

G Em
I can see the turning of the key
C D
I've been deceived by the clown inside of me
Bm C
I thought that he was righteous but he's vain
G D G
Something's telling me, I wear the ball and chain

(same chords throughout)
G Em
My patron saint is a-fighting with a ghost
C D
He's always off somewhere when I need him most
Bm C
The Spanish moon is rising on the hill
G D G
But something's telling me, I love you still

G Em
I come back to the town from the flaming ruins
C D
But when I see you in the street I begin to swoon
Bm C
I love to see you dress before the mirror
G D G
Won't you let me in your room one time, before I finally disappear

G Em
Everybody's wearing a disguise
C D
To hide what they've got left behind their eyes
Bm C
But me I can't cover what I am
G D G
Wherever their children go, I'll follow them

G Em
I'm marching the parade of liberty
C D
But as long as I love you I'm not free
Bm C
How long must I suffer such abuse
G D G
Won't you let me see you smile, before I turn you loose

G Em
I've given up the game I've got to leave
C D
The pot of gold is only make believe
Bm C
The treasure can't be found by men who search
G D G
Who's gods are dead and whose queens are in the church

G Em
We sat in an empty theater and we kissed
C D
I asked you please to cross me off your list
Bm C
My head tells me it's time to make a change
G D G
But my heart is telling me, I love you but you're strange

(Harmonica solo, same chords as verse)
G Em
So one more time at midnight near the wall
C D
Take off your heavy makeup and your shawl
Bm C
Won't you descend from the throne from whence you sit
G D G
And let me feel your love one more time, before I finally abandon it

Café des 2 Moulins

2009-09-26T09:46:00.004-04:00

i wake up and can't go back to sleep
people say i have black hair but i call it shit brown
ms. case, would you adopt me? and when i become worn out and useless,
(done an instrument) stick me outside and have some tree grow through me. okay?
teach me how to be a creator

i think i am going to blockbuster now 5 15 minutes to rent a movie about loretta lynn
she had my brother's birthday. both kentucky born. but she's from up north. and we are close to tennessee. like relatives. and my brother has been to paintsville and some of my old toys are up there.

this memory just came to me. meeting my representative, him hugging my shoulder when i told him i was from hopkinsville. i wanted to cry. we know.

please hire me. make me your waitress at the two windmills
i mean cafe 19
look at me pretty soon i'll be wearing red and skipping stones.

what opinions?

2009-09-25T15:47:00.004-04:00

alarm

2009-09-24T09:26:00.004-04:00

woke to shoes on tumble in dryer
thought i was saving the house
from weeks of soiled linens

first position

the girl in the blue leotard
with the lemon belly
seventh grade of course
that's a string bean, yes,
that ripe, rape age
today, she believes in movement
the pain of her satin shoes
they are all olive smooth women
even her joints make curves
she washes like her mother washes now
we can see the streamline in every pose
but wait a couple years
to open your mouth, Karen
won't be at the center for long
my child, suck in
i can picture your babies already

you are at the platform
let me take your place
performance, i miss performance
bowls at her ass at her bun her medium chin
her 32A and pear below, twin hill knots for knees
ball heel order. you are sphere after sphere baby doll
the first sprout neon green
tall and fresh havent reached your cigarette breath
but you will so stir you lemonade while you can
perfect in every location photograph this
every gesture, every tender crush blush
and when he comes to take the swine's heart instead of yours
spill cream, kiss the ocean like the nose of a jet
on the sidewalk good and broken
in like your shoes, doesn't hurt on your toes anymore

give me creative exercise

2009-09-23T20:55:00.005-04:00

stop or go:

internet adverts are clever like women
what happened to myspace?
live for the artists!
no one will steal music
anymore
the more dedicated, we
cross our digital hearts
you decide what that's worth
live or die says Anne
mahgurl
and that's the fucking question
this is what we do
with an extra hour
i came here at thirteen too,
or fourteen, above the ground
now, this is my olive branch,
my profile colors
tunes to fill my waiting room
check me out
maybe ill check you out
this is my olive branch
i hate some of my friends
[apology here]
give me lawsuit, Tom
hack into me, boys
this is my olive branch
have more to spare
i want a network of flesh
you could be part of my web
time and space dont make it right again
but buddy, that's what we have

man, i need to listen
to a woman sing

the answer

2009-09-23T11:57:00.001-04:00

Ginny took the What career should you choose? quiz and got the result: Livin' in a van down by the river!!..

Livin' in a van down by the river!!: You are addicted to drugs and thus you cannot keep a job. All you want to do is smoke doobies, eat, and sleep. Your best career choice is a stoner.

no bullshit

2009-09-23T11:24:00.006-04:00

no thank you, presentable.

i love your imperfections

:A whining, feeble complaint.

i want to write forever

2009-09-23T11:21:00.001-04:00

i want to write forever

the only brain

2009-09-23T09:58:00.006-04:00

fuck school
(cockblocker)
hunting for attraction
too much thinking going on
when i try to stop
my body shakes
and i let out
roll to cold side
the colder side
now entering the ether
step away from the closing doors
the passage way to transcendence
i want to go crazy
that is true that is higher
than these motherfuckers
down where its dark and decent
do my eyes roll back
to white to music
goddamn show me the point to anything
i wont move one step
dance with me, why dont you dance
i should play a gig
just to fucking piss you off

i am sexy-slim go-getter-fuck-face is my positive in a demon oa-siis
did you think that maybe one day maybe we can see if we click with no strings attached(--love it)
you can have that you can have that and youcanyoucanyoucanyoucan have that

frog, that's what she called called you
my mother. minus the prince.

disciple

let me apprentice under you, a starving soul
no one knows like you know
she knows the fruit
together shared food from the same plate
let me eat with you
when you resurrect
that will take care of any doubt

cannot stop eating
what would my teacher do
i fail so many times
how far has the stench crawled

are my lips red enough
my skin stripped down
to match your rhythm
you are W and
I am bitter at Q
we came to this planet
the same year
when you were shooting off bottle rocks,
making records and documents
i was set afloat, above the den carpet
a horrible dancer,
lost at five points
back rest on a wave pool
while you spit at your mother
in every direction, she strapped you down

my feet hurt at 11
didnt want you to work
your touch is what i imagined
worn in like blown glass
where they make souls
a dangerous field
i use to teach you
what i said was worth taking note
but the impression faded
i dug a hole

feel free to critique me
whatthefuck
is that supposed to be humble?

give me the next year
woman, diagnose me
tell me nothing is wasteful
where there is warm thought
the parts of me that love my baby
that nap under coats
i see the crescent jewel
choke the evening, Blue,
what a lady. give me
everything at once
the baby lamb
my first friend, first letter
from someone who missed me
count all the good days
my whole existence is lucky
but i was born with questions
little girl

you know what im saying

2009-09-22T18:59:00.004-04:00

no money for parking
wait until next week
when yo daddy give you money
for yo rent
the sun was on the internet
yesterday, 7 of my people died
we draped our windows
cause friends dont do that shit
and the night is blunt
wish it was dark all day
thunderstorms put you
in your box
until it goes away
and we step outside together
dew at our lips
grass stuck to our shoes
and we hold on to each other
like we're stepping on mars
the sky is deep yellow
and the trees drip poison
i loath every puddle

turned the fucking phone off

2009-09-20T17:10:00.006-04:00

i cant escape anything anymore
and thats the least i could recieve

but my ineptitude leaves me dependent
and stupid
too selfish to love anything
the way real people should

i guess it was about time

fuck you

2009-09-18T15:04:00.000-04:00

Ginny's favorite quotes

"The secret to life is meaningless unless you discover it yourself.
"— W.S. Maugham

Goodreads Quotes

Cassandra/girlwiththeglass

2009-09-16T12:23:00.003-04:00

thank you, ma'am, thank you
mamma

dropped biology
calling the shrink toomar...("uhuh" fading echoes)
when she returns from vaykay
will finish books
in the time ill save not taking bio
and not working (for the time being)
i'll make up my own class:
book reviews 201
201 because
i'm tired of being in classes
with freshmen
course description: the focus of this class will be to complete books listed on your goodreads currently reading and to-read bookshelves. Completing currently reading and making a serious dent in the to-do mountain. money will not be spent on food items, clothing, or entertainment accessories. only on essentials, (bug spray for that ant issue in the kitchen, "essentials", rent and utilities) books, (purchased USED on the internet or store) and music albums (no vinyl unless used ...or really tempting). for each book completed i must rate and post a review on my account.

let's go raw raw

AWA Dress Code

2009-09-10T22:37:00.000-04:00

AWA is a family friendly convention.

All costumes must be PG-13. If your Grandmother would not approve, we probably would not like it either.

Shoes of some kind must be worn. Bare feet are not allowed.

For potentially skimpy costumes, swimwear is a baseline but they must be full coverage (breasts and rear must be covered, nothing hanging out). Underwear is not a costume. Yes, thong bottoms are too skimpy. Breasts must be covered appropriately. No pasties, electrical tape, etc. Lum and Felicia costumes are a good guide. They are allowed as long as everything is fully covered.

Body paint alone is not a costume. All of the important areas must still be covered by a bikini of some kind (silicone covers as an example).

Shirtless men ARE allowed. Any local restaurants or businesses may require a shirt to be worn, so plan accordingly.

Masks CAN be worn in both the Renaissance Waverly Hotel and the Cobb Galleria Centre (but outside the facilities, you are on your own).

The following are due to safety reasons:

No stilts on the second floor of the Waverly or Galleria.

No roller skates/blades please.

No leashes, chains, tow ropes, etc. Two people should not be connected by any such chain while moving through the convention. It is allowed for photoshoots, but not while walking around the show. This is not a judgment on anyone's lifestyle choices or against personal freedoms. It's a public safety issue. Loose chains are not allowed under our Weapons policy regardless.

The Events director (and his assistants) are to make final decisions regarding the appropriateness of a costume. If it is a question of decency, they may get second/third opinions to insure fairness for all parties.

If my wardrobe was composed entirely of AA products, i'd be a damn well satisfied girl in matters of fashion

2009-09-10T19:34:00.004-04:00

16+1 items on my American Apparel Wishlist

nothing clever

2009-09-06T23:01:00.002-04:00

fortune cookies and messages from the fridge conversation magnates:

"going south will bring you happiness"
"youre an aries youre passionate"
"Mars"
"the zen beginners mind"
"cultivate your garden"
"god of war"
"she did it for the diamond"
"run to her"

just updated

Aches & Pleasures:

pastels, petals, pink, purple, silver, cats, details, chords, ballet, mint, poems, heroines, black, a select amount of misspellings and grammatical errors with a purpose, a good cd mix, technology, now, fictional characters, kissing, cuts and bruises, character, night drives, streams of consciousness, moments of silent understanding, white, crushing flower buds, spring, april, nine, attempts to overcome civilized habits, talking comfortably with one person, crushes, giving into frustrations, the moon, figure drawings/modeling, losing my words, photographed poets, signatures, reciting memories, huck finn, sunlight hitting thighs and cheeks through car windows, art history, naps with kittens, nightswimming, the end of amelie, showers or baths at four in the morning,...

transatlanticism (yer blues)

2009-08-30T21:07:00.007-04:00

i dont want to do my homework. fuck homework. i want to work. feel productive. i need a plan. progression in that direction. not fucking homework. money and detachment mother fucker. financial independance. fucking cut myself out. yonlu. fuck. i dont want to lie about my fucking interests fuck. about my fucking essay title and ending. fucking cocky. fucking confidence. shit who wants that shit. i want to be passionate.

"i need you so much closer"
i need you so much closer
i need you so much closer
i need you so much closer

i rode the train in atlanta today
like i did almost four years ago

what is it with me and going new places
learning or some shit

but i dont need that shit i need you fucking closer
i want to hold you closer than anyone could ever get

"It's way too late to be this locked inside ourselves
The trouble is that you're in love with someone else
It should be me. Oh, it should be me
Sacred parts, your get aways
You come along on summer days
Tenderly, tastefully"

i think i should go electric.
hook up with the vibrations
sparks maybe sparks make some contact
maybe i should rush
im really thinking about rushing
contacts 50 cents to leave me alone
the trains, what do you think this is
the city/ you don't smile
when you're down here
when you down this south
this deep
i just want to go home
could you take me home
thank you ma'am

i tried too hard that's fucking it
think about everything get you in a pit
in a fucking sewer
sticky feet
humidity aint no blanket
just creating distance from my skin

girl you know the reason why

im the fucking girl with the glass/ i live for what's outside the painting, pretending to keep busy so as to avoid interaction,
sipping my water
real slow

there is no center, everything is just laid out as one
and i cant comprehend this
all the things i dont know

how long is a year

2009-08-26T20:54:00.000-04:00

This Essay Is About Writing I Guess

I don’t really enjoy writing personal narrative in a structured manner these days. By structured I mean complete sentences, capitalized letters, transition paragraphs, etc. All those rules are intended for the audience, ways in which the thought the author wants to flesh out can be understood and explained to others. I find difficulty with this because sometimes I don’t want to be fully understood. Sometimes I want to flip my brain inside out and pour it smoothly on a blank page in all its complication and error and beauty and say, “Yeah , that’s me. That’s how I see it and that’s the truth.” I guess you could say that writing is very personal for me. The way I see it, writing is like thinking in its physical form, and let me tell you, I do a lot of that. Our brains, they can be stranger creatures, usually spending their time confusing the hell out of us with their overlapping thoughts and images and sounds all crowded together in one human body. That’s why writing is so useful. It helps to physically document and sort out what’s going on inside. What’s the hell is going on? I don’t know about you, but that’s what I want to find out.
Truthfully, the idea of paper on the topic about how my writing has developed doesn’t particularly inspire me. I also wrote about it for a writing portfolio as a senior in high school, and those were dark times, so I’ll only mention the important parts in the order that makes sense to me. I started college last year and as a freshman my school required that we take a three week long “Language and Thinking” workshop. The course consisted of a lot of free writing and discussion, but the main thing they wanted for us to take away was the idea of thinking through writing. After that I realized that for a long time I had written and existed without thinking, really thinking. My first reaction to this was the thought that I could reread all the books I had ever written and take away something completely different than I had the first time. I had only let the words rest on the surface of my soul; I resided in my environment but was never really present; I understood then that for me writing and learning were not only limited to my academic career in school, but one with my personal growth. The more I learned the more I realized I didn’t know, I felt I was on a kind of cycling path back and forth from moments of feeling completely awaken to deep embarrassment for my ignorance. I don’t know anything I don’t know anything I want to …I don’t even know if i want to know what I want I don’t know how I’m supposed to write this paper. I have no fucking idea how im supposed to turn it in and pass a fucking a class because do I really want to pass do I really want to do this college thing this path of life thing I mean really I have no idea do you do you do you are you there are you there no one is listening im not listening im not even on drugs I have problems problems problems and this is what’s coming out of me words fucking words that wont stop cause I have to figure this out why I cant write this paper why I have no motivation to write this paper the way I know it supposed to be written I want to give this fucking freshman English essaybook the finger and I want to ram my car into the semi sometimes I wonder if this has already happened if im dead and I don’t even know it that is how absent I am from everything that going on outside my body my spiritual body my physical body I need something to strike and make me remember my mortality. I cant write about this fucking shit my fucking personal shit they don’t need that they just a clever fucking story about writing or some shit in high school mention the color of the locker or some dumb shit like that I don’t fool with that shit because it fucking shit I think its time to cut out

i care a lot sometimes

2009-08-26T17:20:00.007-04:00

1. What author do you own the most books by?
Franz Wright

2. What book do you own the most copies of?
Of Human Bondage, just two copies really and the one is borrowed

3. Did it bother you that both those questions ended with prepositions?
it don't. fuck grammar.

4. What fictional character are you secretly in love with?
Holden Caulfield. we have similar ambitions and i go for the angry, bitter, flesh versions of him. Also Huck Finn. God I love those beautiful-good-core southern boys. I also tend to fall in love with the disembodied voice of several Robert Creeley poems. Is it Creeley himself? Who really knows? Who really knows?

5. What book have you read the most times in your life (excluding picture books read to children; i.e., Goodnight Moon does not count)?
i read poems over againagainagain. I dont really reread novels. something in me that says, "move forward," "preserve the fog that makes your memories, ideals..." something like that. i consider it a lot.

6. What was your favorite book when you were ten years old?
The Phantom Tollbooth.

7. What is the worst book you've read in the past year?
First Essays: A Peer Approach to Freshman Composition. dear god.

8. What is the best book you've read in the past year?
Of Human Bondage. But probably best book of my life.

9. If you could force everyone you tagged to read one book, what would it be?
I don't want to force anyone to read anything. i think, it doesn't work like that

10. What book would you most like to see made into a movie?
i guess im awaiting john green's books to movie

11. What book would you least like to see made into a movie?
i dont care

12. Describe your weirdest dream involving a writer, book, or literary character.
cant think of a dream period

13. What is the most lowbrow book you've read as an adult?
a plethora of manga of course

14. What is the most difficult book you've ever read?
Charles Darwin's On Natural Selection

15. What is the most obscure Shakespeare play you've seen?
I haven't seen any

16. Do you prefer the French or the Russians?
i don't know!

17. Roth or Updike?
"

18. David Sedaris or Dave Eggers?
who?

19. Shakespeare, Milton, or Chaucer?
why?

20. Austen or Eliot?
i liked austen, then i didn't, but keep reading her

21. What is the biggest or most embarrassing gap in your reading?
my reading in its entirety is an embarrassment

22. What is your favorite novel?
Of Human Bondage. Ever since I finished it's as if the book has been on repeat in my mind and I've realize that i am philip carey and philip carey is me.

23. Play?
Hmm. I like Woody Allen's plays.

24. Poem?
"Leaves" by Franz Wright
"The Red Poppy" Louis Gluck
"I Know a Man," "Still Too Young," and "Ballad of The Despairing Husband" Robert Creeley
"Addict" Anne Sexton

25. Essay?
I'll get around to "One Man's Meat"

26. Work of nonfiction?
In Cold Blood

27. Who is your favorite writer?
i dont know

28. Who is the most overrated writer alive today?
The word "overrated" doesn't look appealing when it comes out my mouth out my mouth

29. What is your desert island book?
the razor's edge

30. And... what are you reading right now?
Anne Sexton, "Boomsday" Christopher Buckley, "Breakfast of Champions" Kurt Vonnegut

the frequent posting is a result of one naive mistake.

2009-08-21T00:31:00.005-04:00

damn straight birds come passin' by when he goes by.

you eat me out like an artist takes one slow stroke up a canvas.

girls, we are private about things like that. only when all the family left the house, on the bedroom floor, 15 minutes after school, shameful and rosy before and after. our insides are personal. tender like raw chicken breast.

and last night this night is the last time:

what will we use to write when the pen bleeds through all our pages?
we couldn't document all the past events we so love to regurgitate after a case of nostalgia. an over-the-toilet-one-day illness--harmless, but to be handle with care. like a freight. store your memories in a freight
sent to Kansas city that
blue-eyed town
we covet&
return to as we do dealers

i love work you return to
handwritten, on lined paper
that bleach brown white and pink sliver
our seated position view knows so well.

America Is The Teenager.

me singing to baby boy

2009-08-19T21:57:00.000-04:00

さあだからBabyその手伸ばして
雲間に覗く陽射しを信じて
心配事なんて全部取り除くから
これでもう大丈夫
遠い朝でも(Baby don’t cry)
愛をなくしても(Baby don’t cry)
一人になんてしないから(Baby don’t cry)
Baby don’t cry
Always stay by your side

Baby もうDon’t cry (Baby don’t cry yeah)
It’s gon’ be alright (It’s gon’ be alright)
Baby もうDon’t cry (Baby もうDon’t cry)
You’ll see the sunshine (See the sunshine)
Baby もうどのくらい(Baby don’t baby don’t cry)
一人でyou’ve been tryin’(一人でyou’ve been tryin’)
Baby もうDon’t cry (Baby もうDon’t cry)
You’ll see the sunshine (You’ll see the sunshine)

So come on, baby, hold out your hands
Believe in the light that shines through the clouds
It’ll take away all your worries
It’s all OK now
Even on distant mornings (Baby don't cry)
Even when you lose your love (Baby don't cry)
I won’t leave you on your own (Baby don't cry)
Baby don't cry
Always stay by your side

Baby, don't cry anymore (Baby don't cry yeah)
It's gon' be alright (It's gon' be alright)
Baby, don't cry anymore (Baby, don't cry anymore)
You'll see the sunshine (See the shushine)
Baby, how much longer? (Baby don't baby don't cry)
You've been tryin' alone
(You've been tryin' alone)
Baby, don't cry anymore (Baby, don't cry anymore)
You'll see the sunshine (You'll see the sunshine)

a church banner told me love is what gives worth to everything

2009-08-18T21:22:00.005-04:00

i'll be okay if i never learn japanese, if i fail every course, if i go back home, if men ask me for money, if my friends disappear with distance

dont want to go abroad

the study of life

homeostasis, the stream of complex structures toward disorder
and the fight for correction,
energy, reproduction...

a fight?

love gives worth to driving a bus

love is all you need
a girl in a wine glass cross and bones
a vagina or white iris
a crow tangled in red ribbons

i could never think of anything meaningful
anything bizarre i love so much it spills out of me
you you you killed the dog
murderer, sleeping dancers on the pound floor
visiting the kittens
cuddled 5 dozen limp across mother's breast
teased with affection
asleep in her arms
away from the apartment smoke and ceiling fan

if there is one thing i don't recognize
it's style
it's tendencies
habits, bruises, & cuts
where they came from and why they never really go away

"I'm confused. I'm married. I just met a wonderful new man. He's fictional but you can't have everything."

2009-08-13T01:01:00.003-04:00

# I don't know nobody as happy as we

# She's only twenty and I'm twenty-one

# We never worry, we're just havin' fun

# Sometimes we quarrel
and maybe we fight

# But then we make up the following night

# When we're together,
we're great company

# I love my baby

# And my baby loves me

setting off; W.R. BLVD

2009-08-12T20:11:00.003-04:00

another end of an era

you know
because those things span only one year

documenting, remembering something again
and the feeling coming out different

a feeling like a flavor
and the flavor in a moment of one or more

the lighting of the moment
and arrangement of the silverware
placement of our chests and health of the sky
a bit blue, a bit cream